


Putting the Pain in Painting

by EmmaLostInWonderland



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Military, Artist Steve Rogers, Bisexual Male Character, Bucky Barnes Has Nightmares, Gay Male Character, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, LGBTQ Themes, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Prisoner of War, Therapy, america's ass
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-11
Updated: 2019-05-22
Packaged: 2020-03-01 01:59:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,780
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18790726
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EmmaLostInWonderland/pseuds/EmmaLostInWonderland
Summary: Bucky just wants some normalcy back. He's been taking life one therapy appointment at a time since he got back to the states almost two years ago, and it's been just fine. So when the devastatingly gorgeous Captain Steve Rogers, military consultant and freelance artist, asks him to be a subject in his big gay army art exhibit, Bucky should say no, right?But, then again, he has been coping a lot better lately... maybe it is time to shake things up. And if they happen to find love along the way- well, he can learn to cope with that too.(Currently rated M for war and mental health problems as well as implied sexual content in later chapters. Will change to E if I decide to make the sexual content a bit more on the blatant side. Check tags for trigger warnings)





	1. Routine

_Routine: (n) a sequence of actions regularly followed; a fixed program._

Routines are good. Healthy. Necessary. Routines help us stay forward-focused and eliminate chaos. That’s what Bucky’s therapist always says, anyway.

So he’s here. It’s tuesday- group counseling day. Sam added him to the class as a supplement to their one-on-one sessions. Bucky’s in his usual seat with the window behind him and the door directly in front of him. He’s twenty minutes early so that he can watch everyone file in. Business as usual.

Until the new guy walks in.

Sam clearly brought him along; they have take-out coffee cups from the same local spot down the street, and they’re laughing and conversing like they’ve known each other awhile. They take the two chairs on the one side of the circle that can’t see the door, opposite Bucky’s carefully selected surveillance position. Bucky watches New Guy, eyes sweeping over his frame and studying his face as he looks for signs of potential threat.

The dude’s so fuckin’ hot, it should be illegal.

Muscles like a greek god, baby blue eyes, and- okay, Bucky might be biased, but this guy could grow a truly fantastic beard. And none of that is what he’s supposed to be picking up on. Bucky blinks a couple times to refocus and he notices… New Guy’s staring right back.

Bucky tilts his chin up challengingly, but New Guy just returns his stare with an easy smile and laughter in his eyes. His head tilts a little, and he looks Bucky over (checks him out? No, probably a soldier thing. But that smile…).

They’re both interrupted from their little staring contest when Sam clears his throat and introduces himself just like he always does. “Hey everybody, I’m Sam Wilson. I served two tours with the Army as a pilot, and I’ve been stateside and working here for the last 4 years. We’ve got a visitor today, so let’s go around and do a little intro, yeah?” He doesn’t clarify beyond that, merely nods for the person on his left to start the circle.

When it gets to Bucky, he keeps it short and sweet like always. “James Barnes. Army.” Everyone in the room knows at least the bullet points of his history. They’ve either heard him tell it, or they read about it in the news. Rescue of a POW is a big deal, especially after 7 years in captivity.

It continues on and around until finally it’s Blonde Beefcake’s turn. “I’m Captain Steve Rogers. Army. I’ve been serving for almost a decade now, and I did three tours. I work at the Pentagon a little, but mostly I spend my time working as a freelance artist. Um, it’s good to be here today, so thanks for adding another chair for me. Metaphorically and physically.” He looks at Sam when he’s done to signal him, but then it’s right back to meeting Bucky’s gaze.

For the first time in ages, Bucky doesn’t hear another word of the session. And for the first time in an even longer time, he lets his mind go wild with possibility. So he’s a little thirsty- where’s the harm? It’s not like they’ll ever see each other again.

 

* * *

 

 

Of course, by now Bucky should really know better than to assume the universe isn’t against him. And that Steve would be back at the VA not just for the tuesday group meetings, but also hanging around the building when Bucky came for one-on-one sessions with Sam.

Now here they are. In the waiting room, in the only two available chairs. Shoulder to shoulder. Bucky has never felt smaller next to another person.

“It’s James, right?” Captain Handsome asks in that gentle, spooked-horse-soothing tone of his. Bucky nods once. They aren’t friends, but it doesn’t seem right for this guy to call him by his last name. Or god forbid sergeant. “Yeah. You’re Steve.”

Blonde-and-Bootyful smiles like Bucky just handed him the keys to the universe. “Yup! From Sam’s Tuesday group. I’ve actually been meaning to ask you something- is now a good time?”

“I don’t see why not…”

Steve nods and pulls a little notebook out of an inner pocket of his jacket. “So I think I’ve already mentioned that I’m an artist, and I’m actually in D.C. for an exhibition. With the Smithsonian American Art museum? Anyway, I’m doing an exhibit on LGBTQ+ military members. Would you be interested in sitting for a piece and telling a little about your story?”

Bucky’s heart stops for a hot second. Then it’s beating way too fast. He keeps his face carefully neutral when he replies, “And what makes you so interested in my story?”

“Well… this is kinda weird, but I could’ve sworn I recognized you at that first meeting, so I googled you.”

Bucky’s stomach twists. “And what does that have to do with your exhibit?”

“I saw you at Pride last year with Natasha. You can totally say no, by the way; I don’t want to pressure you one way or another.” Steve’s eyes continue to burn right through him, and Bucky’s sure his surprise is evident, what with the obvious out Steve just gave him. So he’s even more surprised to feel himself nodding slowly.

“I’ll think about it,” he mumbles. At that moment, Sam’s previous appointment leaves his office and nods to Bucky. Bucky gets up and goes in, glancing behind him when he reaches the doorway to see Steve going back down the hall towards the front doors. He tries not to let himself wonder if Steve was only there for him.


	2. Fascination

_ Fascinate: (v)  _ _ to attract and hold attentively by a unique power, personal charm, unusual nature, or some other special quality; enthrall. _

 

“Cap. Do you have any idea what time it is?”

Steve moves the phone away from his ear to look at the clock. “Yes? I just got back from my run. Why?”

Sam sighs heavily, and Steve can clearly picture his face. “Dude… if you ever call me before seven in the goddamn morning again, I am not picking up, and I might just block you while I’m at it.”

“Sam, this is important.”

“No, it isn’t, Steve! And if you expect me to even know the answer, you’ve actually lost your mind.”

Steve puts his free hand on his hip and makes a face because Sam might not be able to see him but goddammit if it doesn’t make him feel better. “You’re his therapist, you should definitely know how long his hair is. I’ve only ever seen it in that little half-ponytail thing, but you’ve known him longer.”

“Yes, I have. And I also do not give a single flying fuck. Seriously, just ask him again. He’ll sign up with the right motivation. See you at the VA later, okay? Don’t call back.”

“Wait, Sam-” Too late. The line’s dead. Steve sighs and looks down at the sketchpad again. The unfinished portrait of James looks back at him, judging him. Which, y’know, is completely fair. He gives up and gets ready for a long day at the Veteran Affairs office trying to squirrel out as many queer people as he can find with his broken gaydar. 

He doesn’t need many more, actually. Natasha agreed to help him before he even started looking at the VA, and he picked up Carol and her wife already, but beyond a self-portrait, he doesn’t have any guys, and representation is the whole point of the project. James would be perfect because everything about James is perfect, except obviously the PTSD and the fact that his name fits him like a shirt that’s slightly too big.

Today is already looking up though, because as soon as Steve gets inside the VA building and wipes off his shoes, he’s ambushed by a striking blonde who may or may not be able to beat him up, judging just by her piercing gaze. “Sam told me I could find you here. You’re the artist, right?” she asks.

He hesitates for a moment while he gets his bearings. “Um, yeah, that’s me. Steve Rogers. Are you looking to participate?”

She nods once. “Let’s get coffee.”

Steve knows already that she doesn’t mean it as a suggestion, so he follows her out to the Starbucks across the street. In line, she introduces herself as Sharon Carter, former Navy SEAL and active SHIELD agent. She tells him that she’s doing strictly admin work now, and Sam recommended signing up for something at the VA to fill some of her free time. “He told me about your little project, and I want in. I think you’re doing a really good thing. The public needs this.”

The barista hands him his iced americano and her caramel frappuccino, which he carries as he trails behind her to a patio table, not unlike a lost puppy. “Thank you,” he says, unsure exactly how to respond. “It’s something I’ve been toying with for awhile. I did a couple individual pieces of that nature; that’s how I got the gallery’s attention.”

She takes her drink from him and sticks a straw in it. “I’ve done a lot of things, but I’ve never been painted before.”

“Well, I’d love to interview you and add you to the project. Do you have time now?”

Sharon agrees, so Steve pulls out his notebook and works on putting together her bio. She tells him about her time in the marines and about getting recruited by S.H.I.E.L.D. as an agent. She tells him about coming out to her Aunt Peggy about her bisexuality and how she just gave Sharon a scrapbook of photographs from the forties with her darling Angie. Steve asks her to bring that along next time they meet, which she easily agrees to.

“So next I’m going to do a little photoshoot of you to get reference pictures. It’ll be much easier than having you sit for who knows how long for a portrait,” he says quickly, tucking his notebook back into his jacket. “Is Sunday good?”

Sharon drains the last of her sugar bomb and tosses the cup neatly into the nearest trash can. “I can do Sunday. I’ll text you later for details. Thanks for this; it was fun.” And with that, she’s up and leaving before Steve can figure out whether or not she even has his number.

Checking his watch with a sigh, Steve gets up to leave too. He’ll have missed Bucky’s appointment at the VA by now. Might as well go home. Maybe he’ll find some inspiration to paint something besides chiseled jawlines and metal arms. Un-fucking-likely, but anything’s possible. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! I will try to post chapter updates regularly, but I have a bit of an irregular schedule myself, so I make no promises up front. Please feel free to leave kudos and comments- constructive criticism (or general criticism with a reason) is always appreciated as well as just letting me know what you liked about it.


End file.
